Wednesday, February 16, 2005

Do you ever feel like giving up? I don't mean in the suicide way or running away from home way or anything, but just not trying so hard? If you spend every day trying to make every one else happy, but you never make any progress, why try anymore? Sometimes I feel like I'm constantly banging my head against a brick wall. If I keep doing it, maybe, someday, I'll make a hole, or at least an indentation, but god does it hurt during the process. I'd feel so much better if someone would give me a tool to help me, but I don't think that kind of tool exists, and that just makes me want to give up even more. The only thing that keeps me from giving up is knowing that after I finish, I can stop. I can relax. I can be myself again. I guess if I just bang my head a little harder each day, I'll get to stop even sooner.

Monday, February 07, 2005